“Do you recall when the devil wanted to frighten you with confusion? He tried to show you that your life was a delusion and that you had neither followed nor done My will. But you did what you should have done and what My goodness gave you strength to do-for My goodness is never hidden from anyone who wants to receive it. By My Mercy and with humility you stood up and said,” ‘I confess to My Creator that My life has been spent wholly in darkness. But I will hide myself in the wounds of Christ crucified and bathe in his blood, and so My wickedness will be consumed and I will rejoice with desire in My Creator.’ Benincasa, Catherine (of Siena
At times Catherine was tormented by the doubt that perhaps her visions were the work of the devil, for it is written of him, that he can take on the likeness of an angel. In her humility, she could not think that she was worthy to receive such special grace from God. But her Bridegroom understood her doubt, and promised to teach her how she could always differentiate between visions set by Him and the mirages which the enemy of mankind could conjure up.
“My visions are always accompanied at first by a certain amount of fear, but as they unfold they bring a growing feeling of security. First comes bitterness, but later comes strength and consolation. The vision, which comes from the devil, creates at first a feeling of security and sweetness, but they end in terror and bitterness. My way is the way of penitence. At first it seems hard and difficult to follow, but the further, you pursue it, the happier and sweeter it appears. The way of the devil, on the other, is sweet and happy to begin with, but as the soul pursues the way of sin, it goes from bitterness to bitterness and the end is eternal damnation. And because I am the Truth My visions always lead to a greater knowledge of the Truth, and it is of the greatest necessity that a soul gains knowledge of Me and of itself. This makes the soul honour Me and despise itself, and that is the Meaning of humility. Visions which comes from the devil make the soul which he visits’ proud, for he is the father of lies and of pride, and the soul is filled with vanity which is the core of all pride.” Undset, S. - Catherine of Siena
The interior life or the soul, that which is given by and only by God at the moment of conception, as created by Our Most Holy Creator, strives and exists in utter and complete darkness the closer one walks with and to, God. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Mt 5:3)
The deeper or the further a soul walks with Our Most Holy Creator, it can see that it is with those souls such as Catherine of Siena and the like, the soul and/or being strives, lives and exists in utter darkness. This darkness is not the darkness of depression anxiety, pain or confusion from not understanding the world. This darkness comes from the light that is given to the humble soul that strives only to abandon itself to the will and desires of Our Most Holy Creator. The depth of the love and desire that a soul has for its’ Creator is made aware of, only by the grace of its’ Creator. The soul of the being that is lost in the love and desire to follow is yearning only for God and not of anything of the world. The closer the soul grows and exists to its’ Creator, the more the darkness overcomes its’ being.
"And because I am the Truth My visions always lead to a greater knowledge of the Truth, and it is of the greatest necessity that a soul gains knowledge of Me and of itself. This makes the soul honour Me and despise itself, and that is the Meaning of humility." Undset, S. - (1954, p. 43)
Based upon the examples of Catherine of Siena
“Let every soul rejoice who suffers many troubles, because such is the road that leads to this delightfully glorious state.” Benincasa, Catherine (of Siena
The darkness that the souls embrace is not of the sin-folly of the world. This darkness is the knowledge of the separation from and of its’ Creator. As its’ Creator, I have created it as in all things and that soul that seeks only its’ Creator will be found in darkness in the sin-folly of the world. The soul that despises itself because of the love it has and feels from its’ Creator, drives the soul deeper to seek only its’ Creator.
The soul that sees with simplistic clarity Me, its’ Creator will strive to avoid sin and turn only to Me regardless of the suffering it is to endure. Just as it was for My Son from the cross, the deepest darkest love My Son has for all humanity could not nor would not deter My Son from the cross. It is in this self-hatred or despising of oneself the soul is drawn to Me in a very deep way and abandoned itself to Me and My will. As its’ Creator to be wholly and willingly stripped of all that is of the world. These souls, as My daughter Caterina spoke can only turn to My love and vast Mercy and trust only in such. The stripping of such desires of the world and all of its’ emptiness drive the soul closer to Me hence, it is and was for My Son upon the Cross. Nothing would or could deter such, as My Son accepted it as it was My will. The love that is felt by such souls see themselves and accept only My will that they follow. It is in that darkness that the entire being despises itself, in and of itself, to Me its’ Creator. This soul sees it can do nothing but sin before My eyes and by My grace do all things. This grace allows the soul to exist in this darkness without fear or being lost.
This soul knows only what it desires and seeks it yearns and desires only what is, of and from its’ Creator. The darkened peace that is given to such souls by Me, its’ Creator can only feed upon this knowledge and with complete and total abandonment, find itself in My love. This love that empowers the soul to follow with complete abandonment to and of its’ own will and desires, turns to what is only found in My infinite love and Mercy. The complete and total abandonment of itself to Me, allows the soul to rest with patient-endurance without fear of the world.
The soul feels only the love of Me, its’ Creator and in Holy fear as it was spoken to Caterina, seeks to repent of its’ sins and place itself only in My bosom of love. This soul in complete darkness and self-hatred will now see with simplistic clarity, Me its’ Creator and only then such sweetness. The holy fear drives the soul to the depths of repentance in order to be given the grace to follow and continue to follow in My love, with peace and strength. It is only through, with and in Me that the soul can have such graces to do such. It is only in the darkness and the peace of blind confusion that the soul will simply will to follow in faith. It is only here in the depths of such utter darkness, confusion and blindness that a soul will taste such sweetness of My vast love. As a soul falls in holy fear of Me, I will bestow upon it the grace to follow and the strength to despise itself of what and who it is. The soul along this path has given up all desires of the world’s emptiness. There is little the world has that this soul finds solace. The world’s eyes bear no such witness or mark upon this soul.
The self-hatred has no place found in, of, and with the world. It is this self-hatred that is given only by My grace and love. The soul will seek nothing of the world to, in and of itself. This soul is driven and motivated only by My will, its’ Creator. Hence, as it was by My Son, no amount of abuse and words given would deter Him from such love. This complete abandonment to and of himself as seen in, with and through the marks on His body. The darkness of His peace that was given in the garden allowed such events to take place. The soul that seeks such, finds solace only in, from and through Me, its’ Creator. It is here that all such souls can find Me.
It is only in holy fear and repentance that a soul can let go of its’ pride in and of the world. The grace that is given to such souls by Me will taste in time, this darkness in peace. The letting go in order to find Me, the souls will with each step become more aware of it own nothingness. It is here that the soul will begin to see its’ Creator. All that is given to a soul that seeks such to the depths of this darkness is given by Me, according to My will and not the desires to fulfill the desires of the world. The world will not nor cannot see such things. Those souls that grasp in view of the world will not see nor understand the depths of darkness and peace of the self-hatred, despised soul. The more the soul sees and desires the more the soul is given, by Me its’ Creator. This soul comes to rest only in the fact that it has accepted it is nothing in My eyes, as but a created creature. It is here the soul rests in darkness and can only see with simplistic clarity My will and what is, of and from Me. All that is of and from the world is naught. As it is given to such souls that desire, such it is here the sweetness of My love is felt and tasted. Once the taste of such sweetness, there is nothing more the soul desires but only its’ Creator. It is in this realization with each step into the darkness of My perfect love, the soul grows in holiness, its’ desire to repent and turn to Me. The darkness that comes from such is given as long as or as short as the soul warrants. However, the souls that follow in such darkness without fear but with holy fear and holy repentance come to accept this and follow without question. The depths of such quiet darkness are not known but only by Me, its’ Creator and it is here, I give the soul what is needed in order to follow and do My will. The soul that follows in blind faith walks in quiet pain and suffering but in sweetness of My love and Mercy. All that is needed is given and the soul feels at home only with its’ Creator.
All souls seek such depths but few follow because of pride and self-willed desire. It is this pride and self-willed desire that souls are lost of the world. Too many souls seek the approval and authority of those of the world and not of and from its’ Creator. The souls that are of the world will have darkness but not darkness that comes from Me its’ Creator. That darkness is from the confusion and desires of the world. As the soul seeks, it shall find. The darkness of the world should not be confused with the darkness in which a soul finds, in following My will. No soul that is of the world will find Me, its’ Creator.
References
Catherine of Siena New York
Undset, S. (1954). Catherine of Siena New York
